As parents, carers, or teachers, it can be worrying when a child doesn’t share what’s really going on — especially when it comes to being told off or corrected. Sometimes a child will brush over incidents, minimise them, or stay completely silent.

From my counselling work with children, I’ve learned that there are often good reasons for this silence — and that with the right support, children can learn to open up and build healthier ways of expressing themselves.

Why Children Stay Quiet

•  Fear of getting into more trouble
  Many children believe that if they talk about a time they were told off, they’ll get into even more trouble for mentioning it again. Staying quiet feels safer.

• Difficulty putting feelings into words
  Emotional vocabulary develops with time, but younger children often lack the words to explain feelings like embarrassed, ashamed, or misunderstood. Instead of risking saying the “wrong” thing, they say nothing.

•  Wanting to please adults
  Some children are so keen to maintain peace or gain approval that they downplay problems, even when they feel agitated inside.

•  Believing it’s “normal”
  A child who often feels blamed or unfairly told off may start to see it as part of daily life, and therefore not something worth talking about.

What This Can Lead To

When children hold things inside, they may exhibit it in other ways — such as irritability, withdrawal, difficulty focusing, or bursts of anger. Over time, this can impact confidence and self-esteem, particularly as they prepare for significant transitions, such as moving to secondary school.

How We Can Help

The good news is that with the right tools, children can learn to open up and express themselves more safely and confidently. Here are some strategies I use in sessions — and ones you can try at home too:

• Use tools, not questions. Instead of asking “Were you told off today?”, use emotion wheels, dice, or drawing activities. These give children another way to express feelings without pressure.
• Normalise mistakes. Gently remind your child that everyone makes mistakes, and talking about them doesn’t mean they’re “bad.”
• Create safe spaces. Regular one-to-one time without distractions permits children to open up at their own pace.
• Teach coping tools. Breathing exercises, “pause buttons,” and positive self-talk can help children regulate their emotions when they feel blamed or misunderstood.

Final Thoughts

If your child doesn’t always share when they’ve been told off, it doesn’t mean they don’t care or that they’re hiding something “bad.” More often, it means they’re still learning how to navigate big feelings and find their voice.

With support, patience, and the right tools, children can build the confidence to explain themselves calmly and start to see challenges as opportunities for growth.

 I support children and families in strengthening these skills — building resilience for both everyday challenges and significant life transitions.